In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
