On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
