so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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