I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
