My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
