i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
