Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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