he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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