i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
