Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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