For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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