youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
