first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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