If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
