READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
