we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
