my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
