if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
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he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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