This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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