I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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