I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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