My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Someone signed my nipple.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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