i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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