Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
