Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
