he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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