It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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