I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My dick has a subreddit
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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