maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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