So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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