What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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