did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
