I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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