I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my shit smells like andre
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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