You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
