Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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