the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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