don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
