So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
