i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
