apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
