If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
