We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
