I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
