Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need to calm my uterus...
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