I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
