Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
