no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So much Jack, so little girl.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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