I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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