dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
