Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
