They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
