I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
