I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
mondays should just be called national damage control day
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
