I puked a lego.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
