4 words: hood of his car
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
time to smoke my breakfast
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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