you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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