btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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