from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
