my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
