awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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