so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
