did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
