it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
