I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
