My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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