Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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