It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
