Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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