you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
