thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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