anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
