oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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